living with depression

Monthly Archives: March 2016

Last December I had my annual diabetic eye screening which was okay.  Last week we went for our annual eye tests and both of us did badly on one of the tests and both with our left eyes.  After seeing the optician we had to do that test again – it’s the one when we have to press a button every time we see a light.  Rick’s was okay the second time but I still had problems seeing the lights so the optician wrote out a letter to be given to our GP for a referral to the hospital.  My appointment was for today.  I put on my usual act that I was okay and wasn’t worried about it although inside I was worried as I know the eyesight in my left eye is worse than my right eye.

The good news is I don’t have glaucoma or optic nerve damage in either eye but there is some damage in my left eye.  It’s minimal enough to be told to go back in ten months – appointment will be sent out – but it still bothers me.  The doctor asked me if I have been suffering with headaches.  I have which I put down to all the running around we have been doing for our friend  and her daughter.  The doctor doesn’t think it’s that so I have to trust her.  It is upseting as I don’t want to lose my sight but if my sight has to suffer I could be much worse off.  I learned a very valuable lesson from a special woman who found out late in life she had diabetes.  She was almost completely blind but managed to be independent and loved her dog.  I will never forget the lectures I got for not having breakfast and not eating properly as my appetite has been poor for months.  This lady will always have a special place in my heart.

With everything else going on I have been worrying about my friend’s daughter since she was sectioned.  Her children have been ‘difficult’ with her son being the worst offender.  She knows the basics as to why we haven’t been visiting and is annoyed with her son on top of being angry with his latest antics.  My anxiety levels have been high because of him and now I feel worse because he is hurting his mother emotionally.  He doesn’t even know how much his behaviour is affecting people and he isn’t a stupid person as he plays on the label of being ‘special needs’.  I really want to be a friend to this lady as she is nice and she needs moral support.

I know I need a break from everything but it is a case of me letting myself have a break from everything.

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This week has been more like a normal week for us except for me not doing quiet time at the Valley Methodist Church.  I had the usual being told of a meeting on Monday morning at the morning service on Sunday.  It really annoyed me as Sarah had no excuse for letting me know before then.  She knows what my routine is even though it had been disrupted for four weeks.  The meeting was for the next messy church and as wasn’t the most exciting one.  At least the next one is on a Tuesday so it won’t interfere with anything I do.

Tuesday I had a slight change from the norm as there was a shortage of volunteers for the meals on wheels so I went out with one of the drivers.  I enjoy that for a change although I could have done with the driver not driving slowly over speed humps and a bad private road full of pot holes.  We couldn’t find an address of a new person on the list despite driving round in circles.  It will be interesting to see if it has been found.

Today we were able to pick up both sets of Rick’s glasses and my long distance glasses.  I hope my reading glasses will be in tomorrow but at least I can cope with my current ones.  Tomorrow I have my eye appointment at hospital which I am a bit worried about.  I hope the optician is right that it isn’t anything to worry about.

 

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Our friend is getting better and will be moved to the local hospital for rehab as soon as there is an available bed.   She wants to go home but knows it is going to take time and needs to be assessed for her needs when she is home.

On Saturday we had to tell our friend that we were advised it wouldn’t be a good idea for her to go on holiday on Saturday.  However we did suggest taking her away in July to Keswick for a few nights which cheered her up.  She asked us to get clothes for her daughter but we can’t due to the grandchildre’s bad behaviour which upset her.  Today we found out her grandson had taken clothes to his mum which is a relief.

My mood has been all over the place but that’s probably still due to the fact that we aren’t getting rnough rest.  I am finding it a struggle with what I am eating which isn’t helping.

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The one positive we have had in a while is that our friend who has been poorly has finally had an operation to relieve the pressure on her brain caused by bleeds.  It has been a long, stressful four weeks going to see our friend, getting her daughter and grandson to hospital and keeping up with what we normally do.

We have been so tired, fed up and now feel abused and used.  Our friend’s grandchildren have been playing up despite being 15, 18, 21 and 22 and should be acting their ages.  The daughter has her own problems.  She took off last night so we went looking for her as she was suicidal but fortunately the police found her close to her home.  She had bought tablets and we don’t know how many she took which was worrying because of what she normally takes.  She wouldn’t go home or come round to our home so the police had to use a 136 under the Mental Health Act and take her to hospital.

Today has been a long day.  We took our friend’s grandson to see her then went to to another hospital where her daughter had been taken too.  We were told she had been taken to another hospital so we went there but we couldn’t be told what is happening.  Since then we have been informed that the daughter has been taken to another hospital.

We had a web design meeting which was about 2 hours long.  From there we went to our garage to load up the car ready for tomorrow.  Thw WPC who was one of the officers who sectioned the daughter last night came round to see us.  One of the daughters has been stirring so we aren’t happy.  Both of us are feeling hurt and insulted after all that we have done for the family.  We did it for our friend but we have our principles.  Also my mood has been up and down. I am now very depressed because of what’s goinmg.

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I wish I could say it’s been a tough few days but it’s been over two weeks now.  Mary seems to have gradually got better which I am thankful for and I believe in prayer.  So many people have prayed for Mary as she is loved for who she is.  She has learning disabilities yet she has lived perfectly well without extra help for at least all the time we have known her which is over two years.  We went to see Mary on the return home from our brief visit to London.  Soon after we got home we had a phone call from Mary’s grand daughter to let is know Mary has been taken to James Cook Hospital for surgery.

Mary’s life has been sad.  Her father was murdered in a pub which we found out from her youngest brother, Steven.  Mary went out shopping for her mother one day for vegetables then on her return found her mother dead in the bathroom.  We have been told by Mary that she has been married twice.  The first husband was the father of her daughter and died years ago then her second husband was violent but died  some time ago.  We also found out that Mary’s eldest brother died two months ago and she still doesn’t know.  Steven asked us with other friends present whether he should tell her or not.  We all agreed it would be better to wait until she is better.  Mary’s daughter has had her problems including minimal(?) learning disabilities and having a violent ex partner (husband).  She has four children who all have their issues.  She is also disabled now.

It’s been hard enough dealing with Mary’s diagnosis of bleeds on the brain causing falls or falls causing bleeds but we are also having to be strong for Mary’s family.  What has helped me going is that I believe God is looking after Mary and is relatively pain free.  Getting to know Mary’s family has also helped.  May’s daughter and grandchildren are vulnerable and need love / support.  I have grown to be quite protective of them without knowing them very well.  They are in desperate need of unjudgemental people in their lives.

ive suffered

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