living with depression

Monthly Archives: November 2016

This past week has had it’s ups and downs with depression.  It’s been a horrible, horrible year so far starting when we found out a friend was having bleeds on the brain.  I will never forget the day she had two seizures and her heart stopped on both occasions.  I was with her on the first occasion and am glad I knew what to do so she didn’t hurt herself until the nurses got to her room.

We then had to deal with her daughter making malicious allegations against Rick which were proven completely untrue within a matter of hours.  We are still suffering the consequences as the church has gone OTT with safeguarding due to celebrities and ministers (churches) having done terrible things.  Unfortunately the real victims such as Rick are being made to suffer.  Of course a certain minister putting the boot in hasn’t helped either and I am convinced she has just done it out of spite just because she doesn’t like him.  I have been worrying about Rick and his health so that’s been extra stress.

For a while I have been doing C.B.T. through Exeter University as a research team want to improve it.  Due to a recent section I did the therapist was concerned enough to write to my GP so I had to make an appointment.  He isn’t concerned about my mental health as he knows I am sensible enough to ask for help if I need it.  As I was there I brought up problems I’ve had over eating – this was on Thursday – so he did a referral for an endoscopy.  On Friday I got a telephone call from Darlington Memorial Hospital to let me know there had been a cancellation for yesterday morning.  I said I would take the appointment just to get it over and done with.

I opted for the spray at the back of the throat so I could go straight after the procedure but if I have to go through it again then I want to be sedated.  As it turns out I do have two small ulcers in my stomach and there is some erosion to my oesophagus caused by Naproxen.  Today I felt fine until about an hour ago but now I feel ill.

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…. unless they want to help themself.

It’s not a line I have used myself until recent months simply because I haven’t known anybody who made it so difficult to help.  I have always agreed with it though.  Sadly the person I am regularly saying this to is someone we have known for four years and Rick has tried so hard to gently help this person move forward.  We have both felt frustrated even though we know this friend can’t get over the love of his life dying as he just doesn’t want to make the most of the rest of his life..

Fair enough we haven’t been through exactly what he has been through but it doesn’t mean we don’t understand what it’s like to hurt due to losing someone special.  Rick was 14 years old when his dad died.  He is the youngest of five children so whilst he was still raised in a ‘poor’ family he felt special – in the nicest possible way as his relationship with his father was so strong.  I was raised in a middle class family and until I was 12 years old I felt loved.  One of my uncles whom I adored died when I was a young adult then my Nanna died in January 1993 which was hard to deal with.  Rick’s mum died on the 3rd December 1999 which was hard on him as well.

Our friend has driven us crazy with excuses for not doing anything to help himself.  A good example is he wants to lose weight but has been to being too lazy to exercise and he can lose weight just by dieting.  Either he is conning himself or is just treating it like one big joke.  Even our well being lady has told him he is wrong.

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I hate depression with the endless cycle of good days and bad days.  It is even worse when I wake up happy then I can suffer a trigger or my mood can just turn for absolutely any reason.

Rick has had a tough year emotionally which has caused him a lot of stress.  This has been hard to deal with and I feel guilty for every bad day I have had a bad day as I haven’t given him the support he needs.  Rick saw a doctor on Monday who said he wanted Rick to have an echocardiogram and we are still waiting for an appointment for that.  It’s coming up for a year of when he had a heart attack which hasn’t helped how he feels.

We are also worried about Tinkerbelle who has been drinking far too much water for some time.  Yesterday we got her to the vets who have taken blood for tests and we were asked to get a urine sample which we now have in the fridge as that is what the vet asked us to do.  The vet thinks it could be caused by her kidneys but obviously she has got to run tests to make sure it isn’t something else.  Tinkerbelle is such a good natured, beautiful, lovable cat so we are hoping that whatever the problem is that it is easily remedied.

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