living with depression

Monthly Archives: March 2017

It was a relieve to find out the my sister was able to book the funeral as we need to say our ‘goodbyes’ to our Dad. An autopsy was done which upset me a bit as he was elderly, frail and had his health worries. My sister asked me if I wanted to view my Dad’s body but I can’t face that and I want my memories of my Dad to be the good ones. I have mentioned to Rick that it feels a bit wierd that I haven’t dreamed about my Dad. When my Mum died I had dreams about her, still do, but none with my Dad.

This past week has been a bit different to the norm. Our budgie died aged about 7 so survived his ‘friend’ by 3 1/2 years and it does feel strange not having a bird in our home. On the other hand our youngest cat, Tinkerbelle, ‘chose’ to live at our neighbour’s home and the neighbour’s cat, Bella, moved in with us. We have a cat flap which Bella liked as it meant she could come and go as she pleased. Another neighbours cat, Sooty, also visits and I have a bowl of cat biscuits down permantly for him.

There were issues when Bella was put down and we got Tinkerbelle to the vets because she had sick several times. We knew the neighbour was keeping our furbaby in when she was at home but then I found out she had been locking Tinkerbelle in when she went out. Neither Rick or myself were happy about that. We knew Bella could get out of our home if she was in when we went out but that is completely different to locking a cat in. I let the neighbour know that Tinkerbelle was on a special diet and not to keep her in all of the time so we could feed her. There was an uproar and I was told we ‘were being cruel’ to Tinkerbelle by not letting her stay in the neighbour’s home. I made it quite clear we didn’t mind Tinkerbelle visiting but not to be kept in for so long. Now our lil Tinkerbelle, ‘who chose a new home’, is back to her normal self, loves curling up by my feet, spends quite a bit of time with us and hasn’t been sick. She still goes to see our neighbour but doesn’t attempt to go in.

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A date still hasn’t been made for my Dad’s funeral yet. My niece rang the coroner’s office for my sister on Wednesday to be told that the case had been assigned to another coroner. This means up to another 10 days before the funeral can be arranged. Both my sister and I are hoping that an autopsy won’t be done as my Dad was 86 years old, frail and had health problems. My Dad died the way he wanted which was at home and he wouldn’t have wanted all this waiting around afterwards or any fuss.

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We had a bad start to the week as our neighbour had her cat, Bella, put down on Sunday. For the past three years Bella has suffered with fur loss during the winter months but recently it has been much worse. The crazy thing is she has been a happy little soul, eating well although becoming very clingy. Our home was her second home and that included eating here. The neighbour told me that the vet told her that it might have been a mite problem or more likely she was very stressed and was lickng excessively. She told the vet she couldn’t bear to see Bella suffer or have to keep giving Bella steroids so the vet agreed to Bella being put to sleep. It’s going to take time to get used to not seeing one beautiful little cat again.

Monday started off as reasonably good day and in the evening I was out with friends. We are all volunteers at the Shildon Methodist Church lunch club and at Christmas we were given £40 from the lunch club members as a ‘thank you’ for what we have done over the year. It was mutually agreed that we would go to the civic in Shildon for a meal. We had a good evening although the service was slow but it was just good to be out. Towards the end of our meal Rick rang and told me it was urgent for to get home. I had just got my dessert so I told him I would get home as soon as possible. He rang again just as I was getting ready to go home so I speeded up my departure. When I got home Rick told me there was no easy way to tell me the news and started with saying ‘The Lord giveth and Lord taketh away.’

I just looked at him and said, ‘My Dad is dead.’

Apparantly my sister had tried ringing me first but we were out all day. I got home before Rick as I was going out and was out by about 6.15 pm. Anyway I rang my sister who told me that our Dad hadn’t been too well on Sunday and she had taken him to the hospital that morning. She had checked with him before they had their dinner as our Dad went to her and my brother-in-law’s each Sunday for his dinner but he said he didn’t feel too good. On Monday my sister went to see our Dad and found him dead on the kitchen floor. He had got up and dressed as he was a man of routine. My sister believes it happened quickly and we both know that’s the way he would have wanted to go.

On Tuesday we took our Tinkerbelle to the vets as our neighbour decided to tell me that the little angel has been sick six times over a two week period. Fortunately she is healthy and we have bought cat food (wet and dry) to help her stomach and digestion. I spoke to our neighbour over the phone and told her that we were going to start on a special diet with Tinkerbelle. I asked her not to feed our little angel and to let another neighbour know as well as she adores cats and spoils her two and our little Tinker.

We kept Tinkerbelle in over night as Rick was going back to the vets this morning to get her micro chipped. We got home before our neighbour so when I knew she was home I returned her cat box. I reinforced what the vet said to us about Tinkerbelle’s diet and that we wanted her to just have the diet we are giving her. The neighbour wasn’t happy and told me there was nothing wrong with the food she gives Tinker and it was probably food that Tinker was eating outside. I made it quite clear that I wanted Tinkerbelle to just eat what we give her as it will be much better for her. Then I told her that Rick wasn’t happy with her keeping Tinkerbelle in. They fell out before Christmas as the neighbour took offense to the way Rick spoke to her when he disconnected her washing machine. I could see both points of view although I didn’t see why Rick should apologise as she knew we were busy on the day in question. One day the neighbour came to our home to sort the situation out but she made it worse and she swore at Rick. They haven’t spoken to each other since then.

When I told her that we don’t her keeping Tinkerbelle in she became angry and asked how she was supposed to keep Tinkerbelle out. I told her we don’t mind our furbaby going to visit her but we didn’t want Tinkerbelle spending so much time in there. She then accused Rick of being a big kid and told me to go, take my cat and keep her in. I was shocked but kept polite and told her I would go which I was going to do anyway. Yet the other neighbour who had a chat with me before I went in and fully understood why we wanted to keep Tinker on a certain diet. It has really upset me as she knows that my Dad has died and there was no need for her awful attitude. Rick told me not let it upset me but he does understand why I am.

I am thankful that I have real friends who are being supportive. Not all of them are even in this country so that makes it even more special.

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