living with depression

Monthly Archives: April 2018

Whilst I understand why church organisations are going over the top over being careful who has any responsibility within the church setting they are going way too far. I am one of the latest victims as due to DBS checks being done. There is absolutely no good reason for me to have to justify my past but I have too as others have or having to do. I feel emotionally blackmailed into playing the political game just to keep doing what I have been doing. Basically I have been told that it might affect Rick with what he is doing if I refuse which is exactly what I want to do. I have nothing to hide and my past has no relevence to what I have been doing but I still have to go through their stupid system just to carry on. My minister fully understands how I feel and wants to help which I appreciate as he is one of life’s good guys but I resent having to explain myself.

I’ve got so much angst in my life to have this going on as well. It would help having someone neutral to talk to but I can’t due to lack of trust and I am so scared of breaking down completely. Life would be so much better if I could put a stop on everything that has made me miserable and have a clean slate but it isn’t that easy.

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I cannot get away from being depressed 95% of the time. It seems like every time there is a glimmer of light that life is improving then something happens to make me feel worse. I wish I could put it down to being paranoid but it isn’t. Trying to get support is impossible as I’m not really being listened too by the very people who can get / give me the right help as they’re not listening to me. It’s got to the stage that my appetite is suffering and I’m not drinking enough fluid as I can’t be bothered to keep a check on how much I am drinking.

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