living with depression

Monthly Archives: July 2018

I am running on exhaust fumes and I know Rick is as well which hasn’t helped my mood. Days are running into one and I feel like I’m not getting anything done. My mood is worsening which isn’t helped with me putting weight on so I don’t know what to do anymore to lose weight.

What I am looking forward to is our holiday which is two months away and we need the break. I may need another holiday though as Clare and Lee are coming with us. They are a lovely couple and also very funny so it should be an interesting week. We intend having good walks with Cassie but other than that we want to rest.

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Life has been had over the past couple of months in part caused by our church organisation. It has upset friends of our within the circuit and they are in a position to cause ripples in the organisation. That is one thing that has kept me going and one in particular can cause major ripples which won’t go down well at all.

It’s sad that a church can go to extremes because of historical abuse yet it is the innocent who suffer. The real offenders are still getting away with it because their victims are to scared to speak out. I have lost my fight but I haven’t lost my spirit, I just need to use it in other ways.

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I wonder, at times, why I continue being the real me when all that happens is people hurting. When I wore my mask for so long people didn’t hurt me, well rarely, as I would keep everybody at arm’s length. I finally decided that I could start trusting people, in generally, but the past two years have left me even more cynical than ever.

The one thing that has helped me keep going, apart from Rick, is my sister. She doesn’t need to know (publically) why I’m feeling the way I do, that’s between me and her when I’m ready to tell her and I would rather do that6 by speaking to her.

My Dad dying last year made me wake up to myself that I was hurting still but I could only help myself by talking to my sister. It’s helped a great deal and for that I am thankful.

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