living with depression

Monthly Archives: November 2018

A few weeks ago I slipped backwards on ice and my left leg bent underneath me.  I had a lovely graze on my knee and suffered the expected discomfort in it.  Unfortunately, my knee hasn’t got any better so I got myself an appointment at my surgery.  I’ve been told I have twisted the tendons and over-extended them so it’s going to take time and I should really be resting it.

A few days ago I rang our local women’s refuge or Women’s Aid as it’s known officially.  A lady had gone to our Bishop Auckland shop as we had donated toys, games, clothes, perfume and some other stuff two years ago.  This time it was a request for clothes as they are getting low on stock so when I rang I told the lady we can help out again and will let them know when we are delivering.  We generally get clothes donated that are in good condition, clean and sometimes still with tags on.  I remember how good it made me feel two years ago so I have already made a hole in all the clothes we have.  Some are being kept at Shildon where I’m based now, some are going to our West Auckland shop, some are being saved for cash for clothes and the fourth ‘pile’ is for the refuge.  All the best clothes are being kept for the shops and the refuge as, whilst I believe mums are grateful for whatever they and their children are given, it’s also nice to be able to have decent quality clothes.  No doubt I will end up putting a few extra things in as well but I am just happy to help.

The downside is where I am so stressed out with everything I need to be doing my temper is on a short fuse.  I’m tired as well so I’m dozing in the afternoons / early evenings or during the evenings then have problems sleeping when I go to bed. 

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Other couples have a party, go out for a meal or go away, celebrate but not us we are at home not doing anything special. I know Rick has ordered me a special ring which I am quite happy to wait for. It’s just the not doing something special so it feels like a let down as we have been talking about doing something special.

My mood has improved a bit although living with someone who also suffers with depression it hasn’t helped. Some days I have ended up in tears because Rick’s mood has been so bad. We have also had to deal with another particularly nasty character in the Shildon shop this time.

I’m just glad we are getting away for a few days soon.

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Our kittens, Patch and Peggy-Sue, make me feel loved and giving me a reason to live. They are 10 weeks old now and are getting very boisterous – they are so much like their big brother Jacob in that respect.

I am still struggling with my mood which isn’t helped by people the closest to me on a daily basis. They don’t realise I am struggling but my mask is well worn so they won’t ever. Even if they did know there is nothing they can do to make me feel any better – being one of my bad times of the year isn’t helping either.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get jobs done around home to help me feel better in myself.

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