living with depression

Monthly Archives: May 2019

A few weeks ago a friend died but nobody seemed to know what was going on in regards to a funeral. Another friend had been told that the funeral was being organised by a third party and her grandson was working on a speech.

Today there was a memorial service where she had been a member – I had been a member there for a while. People turned up for it which was a relieve for members there but the friend had been popular. She didn’t say much yet she had a wonderful laugh which was infectious.

The service was good although her daughter put on an Oscar winning performance. Only one of the grandchildren was there, her brother (eldest brother died a few years ago and his support worker and partner. When the service ended I popped into the kitchen as the lunch club was on and had a cup of tea with them.

One of the cooks told me that there hadn’t been a funeral as nobody would pay for it. That was upsetting news as her daughter could have got a funeral grant which she wouldn’t have had to pay back. Sadly I should have thought about that as the daughter and grandchildren are all selfish. Before I get blasted it is true and there is a number of people including us who have been made to suffer at different degrees by the family.

On a lighter note it has reminded me how much I miss helping out there at the lunch club. I won’t go back or at least note while the minister is still there.


Yes I do and should I really care about everything that happens in my daily life?

I don’t know any more and my faith doesn’t help either, I just don’t know.

  • I am tired
  • I am depressed
  • I can’t think straight
  • I can’t rationalise
  • I don’t see the point in anything
  • I just don’t care any more

Every day I get up and often I do so just because it’s easier to deal with than getting into a fight because I don’t want to get up. Routine hasn’t been helping, it makes me feel worse.

The cycle of volunteering and having to deal with one regular is dragging me down without realising what he is doing. Wearing my mask is bad at the moment and need to stop pretending that all is well in my life …. more soon ….