living with depression


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Over the past couple of months a now ex neighbour and family have been making our lives miserable. I really don’t understand why other than them trying to get out of paying us the money they owe the shop we volunteer at money. It’s been that bad they have tried blackmailing us into dropping the court case and have told lies. After the last attempt by the daughter we had a police officer come to our home – third time of reporting problems to the police. The officer has left three messages on the mother’s mobile phone and one on the daughter’s phone which has been turned off since then. They know they are in the wrong.

We went away for a week with friends and our dog. The weather was good for us which also helped us to relax but I wish we could have stayed away longer. A good end to the holiday was getting two kittens who are siblings of our youngest cat and the other two were taken by our friends. The lady was really happy that the kittens went to two homes rather than completely different homes. I have Peggy Sue on my lap and Patch aka Pebbles behind my back on a cushion.


The neighbour from hell and her equally bad daughter have moved but it won’t do them any good as we are dealing with them legally.

With the money owed I have put a claim through the small claims court and they will have received that letter by now. I am still with the restraining order / injunction side of the matter. They won’t like that if we get it as it will mean they won’t be allowed within a three mile radius of our homes and shops.

We have got another one now in Shildon which we weren’t expecting to get until the end of December. Last Sunday we managed to get quite a bit over then more on Monday morning. It’s been a good week there but not in Bishop Auckland. On Saturday I was there for the morning and wasn’t impressed that certain jobs hadn’t been done so I will be there tomorrow.


I don’t know how I am keeping the strength to keep going.

The latest in the very long list of woes has been trying to deal with nastiness of a so called friend and her daughter. I am still at a loss why they have come out with nasty untrue comments and to do it on Facebook was cowardly. They don’t even seem to realize yet that they have picked on the wrong ones to pick a fight with.

Money is owed to us and a friend so an invoice was sent to the mother which, days later, was chucked into our friend’s hallway. He keeps his back door open during the day which is opposite ours with parking in between. It has been resent with a letter stating that the money needs to be paid by Tuesday – I forgot about Monday being a bank holiday – or she will be taken through the small claims court. They had decided it was okay to ask us to collect a computer and give back the ‘hundreds of pounds worth of donations. They don’t just owe us money for a computer there is other things they owe for such as a mobile phone. The donations we were given came from the Salvation Army shop where we have an agreement of swapping donations over which works as both shops sell. It is odd that some of our stock won’t sell and the same for the Salvation Army shop yet will do when donations have been swapped.

What worries me is that neither mother or daughter will admit when they are in the wrong and it’s always someone else’s fault. What sparked the nastiness was a party they arranged at a pub where we are are friendly with the landlady. It ended up being a shambles in the worst possible way but of course it wasn’t their fault. We haven’t publicly taken sides but having given good reviews online has been enough to anger them when it had nothing to do with them.

The situation has just made me more miserable.


The 3rd August is one of those anniversaries I hate as it’s my son’s birthday. I didn’t mention it to anybody on Friday and kept busy instead. Saturday was busy as we’ve organised a weekly boot sale at a local pub so was there for several hours. We had a good day though and yesterday we went to Whitby for the day. It was a beautiful day and we both caught the sun – we’ve both got a tan as the summer has been hot.

My mood is still up and down so I prefer to keep busy. It’s hard to keep up with things to stop my mind from dwelling on what makes me sad.


Life has been had over the past couple of months in part caused by our church organisation. It has upset friends of our within the circuit and they are in a position to cause ripples in the organisation. That is one thing that has kept me going and one in particular can cause major ripples which won’t go down well at all.

It’s sad that a church can go to extremes because of historical abuse yet it is the innocent who suffer. The real offenders are still getting away with it because their victims are to scared to speak out. I have lost my fight but I haven’t lost my spirit, I just need to use it in other ways.


I feel like I’m in a personal wilderness, not belonging to one church and no longer really fitting in with another. At some point I know I’m going to have to make a decision about were I’m going to worship but just as likely to surprise people. The confidence I had has gone, my self esteem is very low and I know longer trust people which is sad.

We’ve had enough problems over the past couple of years without a church organisation adding to it. Hopefully in the near future one of the things that’s caused us stressed will be resolved in our favour. I am just wondering how much more I will able to cope without completely breaking down.

Having pets is about the only thing that is keeping me going apart from Rick. He is also stressed out with the chain of events so that makes it even harder for both of us.


It never ceases to amaze me why people who don’t bother others and just want a quiet life suffer the most?

I am a prime example of this yet again I am suffering all because others. I mind my own business, don’t tell others how to live their lives, give a ‘listening ear’ when needed and don’t expect others to put themselves out for me. If anything I would prefer to be left alone when possible. The latest thing to really infuriate me is a woman who has stolen a tablet from the shop I volunteer at. What annoys me even more is one of the partners was walking upstairs when she did this and he was walking towards he so couldn’t have missed what she did. The item stolen wasn’t even for sale and is used for card payments. It is on contract so now the shop will be paying for something that has been stolen until a replacement is in the shop.


Whilst I understand why church organisations are going over the top over being careful who has any responsibility within the church setting they are going way too far. I am one of the latest victims as due to DBS checks being done. There is absolutely no good reason for me to have to justify my past but I have too as others have or having to do. I feel emotionally blackmailed into playing the political game just to keep doing what I have been doing. Basically I have been told that it might affect Rick with what he is doing if I refuse which is exactly what I want to do. I have nothing to hide and my past has no relevence to what I have been doing but I still have to go through their stupid system just to carry on. My minister fully understands how I feel and wants to help which I appreciate as he is one of life’s good guys but I resent having to explain myself.

I’ve got so much angst in my life to have this going on as well. It would help having someone neutral to talk to but I can’t due to lack of trust and I am so scared of breaking down completely. Life would be so much better if I could put a stop on everything that has made me miserable and have a clean slate but it isn’t that easy.


…. and there is no rest for decent people trying to do the best job possible.

Last year we suffered at the hands of the tenant who lived above the shop we volunteer at and her stupid mates. She made the mistake of getting involved with someone she had gone to school with. We warned her not to get involved with him as he is trouble, her dad warned her as did a number of people who know his reputation. He threatened her one day so she split from him and he decided it was a good idea to smash the shop windows. The man was arrested soon afterwards and stupidly denied this until he was shown CCTV footage proving he had smashed the windows. He was charged and went to court a couple of weeks later where he was ordered to pay us compensation which will take about two years to pay.

The next night the tenant took an overdose so the police broke in the street door and the flat door. When the shop was burgled a few months previously the burglar(s) didn’t do much damage compared to the police. We had booked a holiday months before from the 23rd April 2017 so we weren’t happy. In the meantime the windows and doors were dealt with and the tenant got new keys. Five days later she took another overdose and we were obviously still away.

After that the brother of the idiot who smashed the shop windows smashed one of the shop windows then on another day broke one of the flat windows. Almost a year on the only insurance that has been paid out is for the flat window.

We came to an arrangement to pay the glazing firm who came out twice but he still took us to court. We offered to pay him £10 a week minimum which he agreed to by email and through the court. This was fine then he decided to take the case to the county court so we went to speak to the bailiff after receiving correspondence. He rang the glazier who admitted after being asked five times if there was an arrangement in place. The bailiff told him that he couldn’t do this to us as there is an agreement in place so it didn’t go anywhere. The lying shyster then went to the high court and we, again, received correspondence so the county court dealt with it and as far as we were concerned that was that.

We came on holiday on Monday and on Thursday we got a phone call as a bailiff was there demanding we pay £1,861 or he would ‘shut us down’ and ‘change the locks’. A bailiff cannot do this if there is a dispute, which there is, and the volunteers should have challenged this. We aren’t disputing there is a debt but what we are disputing is the amount owed. What should have happened was I paid the remaining debt owed but not costs.

The glazier is a liar and what he has done is fraudulent. I can’t prove that we have made payments, it’s in the court paperwork that it has been agreed that we pay £10 pw and at the time we didn’t think to tell the other volunteers to search for the email I printed off where he accepted payments of £10 pw. It has caused me so much distress I would rather be dead than alive. I haven’t done anything wrong, I have kept the glazier informed of what’s happening and I have been making payments to the man. All because he regrets accepting my offer he is making my life a living hell.


It’s been rough having flu, a raised temperature and a secondary infection. Rick has been fortunate just to have had flu which is bad enough but he has been forgiven for giving it to me. I’m assuming the secondary infection is respiratory as my right lung has been clear but my left lung hasn’t been.

The first few days I just wanted to sleep all the time. Food has tasted like cardboard so I haven’t been esaing properly. This evening I have eaten a bit better although our doggy dustbin aka Cassie has eaten well.

Last night and this evening I have been cheered up by Jacob aka JJ aka Tigger has been out with me and Cassie. JJ thinks it’s great fun and makes a game of it although he will walk with us.

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