living with depression


Is there such a thing as normality?

I suppose for me life is back on track. So much has happened in the past year for both of us life can never be quite the same again so all we can do is move forward. Recent weeks have been horrible for us and yet we have been the victims who have been caught up in the crossfire of our tenant and her now ex-boyfriend. We are now hoping that life will just calm down.

Plans for having a junior bible study are up in the air. We wanted to start it on the first Thursday of June but now our (superintendent) minister wants it to start on the first Thursday of July. He wants to be involved to see how it goes but my nose is a bit out of joint as I should have been involved in this conversation but I had to hear it from Rick. I was the first one to suggest a junior bible study and it was agreed I started it but now another person wants to be involved. Our minister wants her to be D.B.S. checked before the junior bible study starts. I am already worried about her being a loose cannon as she never listens to anybody and as I’m the one leading she needs to be put in her place before we start.

She is already starting on about Messy Church and Rick has already told her that I know about it, have done the training and been part of Messy Church. I know she needs to be reined in and have told the senior steward that. At the moment we, as a church, need to concentrate on the junior bible study first and there is also the question of resources. On top of that I would probably be expected to be in charge of that as well and I have enough on my plate without adding to it.


I think

Last night I tried posting and spent some time on it but lost everything.  Yesterday we had a meeting to do with safeguarding and towards the end Cliff, the senior steward at the Valley Methodist Church, asked about the new system of signing in for when we have bible study.  Last week his brother wasn’t at all happy and caused a bit of friction which really upset me.  I, naturally, stuck up for Rick as he was in the right and was doing exactly what had been agreed at the Creating a Safer Space training the day before.  One of the ladies mentioned that people, except cafe customers, have to sign in and out.  I piped up that Woodhouse Close Church have introduced this as well recently.  It makes sense on the grounds of safety, fire, and, insurance purposes.  It also helps the church to know who comes through the building particularly as children and vulnerable people come in.

Anyway, at bible study, I let rip that we were doing what we had been asked to by the circuit safeguarding co-ordinator.  I also pointed out that I am severely depressed and I am fed up of being ignored / talked over certain people.  Then I told everybody that there is no point in me being part of the bible study group if they continue to behave like this towards me and sat at the back of church.  Cliff took his brother home.

Fast forward to yesterday and Cliff was told exactly the same as we were.  His response was ask if this was because Rick is a vulnerable person.  Rick and I said “no,” it is because Margaret – she attends bible study – has senile dementia.  Jenny, the safeguarding officer at the Valley, was laughing and nodding her head as she knows this is true.  It shut up Cliff though.  He isn’t happy that we will continue with having a record of who is at bible study.

Last night Cliff wasn’t at bible study due to commitments and incredibly there weren’t any disagreements about the list.  I did, however, still had to ask his brother to show me a bit of respect and let me finish what I was saying to him just before we left.  It is getting very tiring that he thinks it is acceptable to tell me to “shut up” then talk over me just because I dare to continue speaking.  This will come to a head eventually because I am fed up of a weekly ritual of him not listening to me when I am talking to him / the group and telling me to shut up.