living with depression

break

We went on a last minute break for four nights last week to Ayr in Scotland to cheer ourselves as much as anything else.  It was lovely and the weather was very good for us although that wouldn’t have stopped us going anyway.  Each day was perfect and we want to go back again as there is so much we want to see.  On Thursday we went to Arran and drove round the island although we didn’t stop at all of the villages.  One of our stops was at the distillery so we could go to the gift shop.  The prices went up to about £74 for some of the bottles of whiskey so our fingers ‘got burnt’.  I did buy a bottle of Robert Burns single malt and a Whiskey cream liquer.  Both are for special occasions.  We came home happy and relaxed, ready to get back to our normal routine which it did until yesterday.

Our so called friend’s daughter has been telling lies about both of us although the lies about Rick were far worse.  It has left us both angry, hurt and upset.  I am also devastated that someone that we have been kind to has told such vicious, disgusting lies although we suspect she is just kicking out at us because we wont take her mum to see her.  Our priority was always our friend so getting the daughter to the hospital was for her benefit, not her dsughter.  The problem is that even though the family is ‘known’ for being trouble and we have proved she has lied it still has to be looked into.  I wish I could understand why this is happening to us but we haven’t done anything wrong other than put our lives on hold for eight weeks for the family.

Over the past few years I have become better at trusting people and it is the local Methodist Circuit I thank for that as my confidence has been much better as well as my self esteem.  This woman has completely destroyed all of that due to her lies so I hope she is satisfied with herself for being so cruel.  Just because she has mental health issues doesn’t mean she should be allowed to get away with lying about other people.  Sadly all the family seem to lie even though they have been caught out.

I was doing well at keeping my severe depression under control but she has ruined that.  Now I’m back to square one and fighting suicidal thoughts which isn’t fair.  I am very scared that I won’t be able to cope and do myself some very serious home.

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Last week we went to Skegness for a week and it was a much needed holiday.  Friends at one of the churches we go to own the caravan we stayed in so knew it would be nice.  We were surprised to see the caravan has four bedrooms, two doubles and two singles.  The toilet with hand basin were separate to the shower which also had a hand basin.

The one sadness was our friend couldn’t be with us.  Her friend had a good time with us though and it was a real break for her.  It was lovely just to have a week’s break away from everything.  I know I had a good rest as the week went too quickly and I slept well except for the first night as I was overtired and last night.

We got home with a thud as we went to visit our friend with our / her friend before getting home.  She was happy to see us and happy to have presents.  One was a Christian poem which I read to her and can be put up on the wall, and, two soft toys – one is a lamb, the other a meercat.

While we there her brother rang and our friend passed the phone to Rick.  He was asked if we could get a phone charger to our friend’s daughter so Rick said we could do that but asked him to allow us about one hour to one and hour 1/2 hours to drop the friend off and get our stuff home.  I wanted a shower anyway.  To cut a long story short they weren’t at the hospital when we got there so we left the charger with a nursae then when went food shopping with our neighbour who had gone along for the ride and do shopping.

After we got home and had started relaxing our friend rang up to say we had left her brother stranded so Rick told her what had happened but said we would go and collect him – he doesn’t drive and believed he had missed his last bus home.  Anyway it got sorted and we are picking him up tomorrow to visit his neice.

 

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This week has been a bit up and down for me.  It is partly to do with my weight which is slowly and steadily rising so as I am depressed anyway it’s making me feel even worse.  Considering how much exercise I get during the week I shouldn’t be so fat.   It’s getting harder to for me to try and eat healthily so the urge not to eat at all is getting stronger.

I’m not happy either that the lunch club isn’t on next week all because certain people are holiday.  There are enough of us to have covered the lunch club and two of us even asked if we could on separate days.   However I will be going in anyway as one of the volunteers is so annoyed that she decided sandwiches and soup can be served on Thursday.  My offer of help was accepted on the spot so that has been a positive over the last week.

At the moment it is making me look forward to our week away even more at the end of March.  I still need to fill in a form to apply to be a steward but I am determined to get that sorted over the weekend.  The break, if nothing else, will be a good rest for me.  I’m terrible for not being able to say ‘no’ to people unless I’m already doing something else.  Helping out with different things helps to take my mind off being depressed.

angels

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