living with depression

health

Another new year is here and I hope it will be much better than last year. Unfortunately a friend has already been predictable with being obnoxious. I really hate adults behaving like children …..

Added to that I’ve had not so great (medical) news which isn’t serious but I will be glad when it’s been dealt with. It’s just another thing that annoys me about this friend who uses pain / health as a reason for not doing much. The friend knows Rick and I have osteoarthritis as one of the health issues we deal with yet it doesn’t stop us from living to our best ability.

I am tired of life, tired of a friend taking advantage, tired of not having enough hours in the day, and tired of being tired all of the time. I want to get back to enjoying life. My problem is not knowing any more how to help myself feel better. All I have is my faith.

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It isn’t exactly a happy start to the new year.  We, particularly Rick, are still suffering because of a mentally ill person – this is the truth ao I’m not being nasty.  This person seems oblivious to the damage done and probably doesn’t care anyway.

I am also suffering because of an accident despite getting a payout from my insurance company.  It didn’t cause physical health problems, it has caused my depression to worsen and I have lost the will to battle back.  There are other issues going on as well such as my health such as constantly being tired which is to do with anaemia, over doing things and not getting enough sleep.

Osteoarthritis is another problem as I am constantly in pain.  I still carry on anyway but it is slowing me up and I hate asking for help due to be independent.  It frustrates the heck out of me and I hate feeling like I am wallowing in self pity.  All I want to do is be able to make the shop a success and I feel like I am getting there for how I want it to look.  Having volunteers who are ‘getting’ the look I want helps.

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A well being (scheme) lady is coming round to see us for about 8 weeks as we both want to lose weight for health reasons as well wanting to keep fit.  I have a good chance of no longer being diabetic if I lose weight so that should be good motivation for but it hasn’t.  For the post 15 years I have tried losing weight and was very motivated at first as I did manage to lose about 1 1/2 stone but gradually lost motivation as I couldn’t lose anymore even though I was doing everything right.  I also have osteoarthritis which will never go away but I can slow that up by losing weight.

Having this lady in is beginning to help as she is so enthusiatic which makes me feel better in myself.  She made me smile today as I apologised (again!) for the state of the place.   Rick bought a smaller computer desk a couple of weeks ago and chose today of all days to decide to put it together.  We emptied all the drawers out and put rubbish in one black bag and used another for stuff we want to keep.  Anyway after my apologies she said she likes visiting us as it’s like a little Alladin’s cave as she spots different things each time she comes round.  She has a point as Rick has started getting plates up on the ways and I am sorting out where I want ornaments as we have some lovely ones.

This is being made easier as we bought a new unit for our television.  On each side it has glass shelves and glass doors, in the middle it has a cupboard with a shelf in it and with two drawers underneath. Even though the desk still needs moving out I am able to sort out where I want things.

 

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