living with depression

mood

My moods are about the easiest to deal with at the moment. I am trying, with some success, of taking a deep breath, getting my brain into first gear then speak. Only problem now is trying to keep my sarcasm in check. I know I feel better once we are on holiday as we will be having a break from everything.

Being anaemic and tiredness are definitely interlinked and I am doing my best to deal with it sensibly. I am taking iron tablets and am eating spinach regularly but also eating tuna, eggs, dried fruit and brown rice more often. It’s hard eating the right foods and being depressed as well as I tend to snack so eating the wrong things.

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Emotionally I have had a bad start to the year and I am finding it hard to ‘snap out’ of it.  The stress from last year hasn’t had it’s conclusion which hasn’t helped my mood plus my own worries have added to this.  If I had the energy I would lose the will to live but I am always tired and struggle to motivate myself to do anything.  There is plenty for me to do at home plus even more for me to do at the shop I vo;unteer at.  A thorn in our sides is back to wanting to speak to us every day about his website so I have been given the ‘job’ of liaising with him.  I don’t to deal with him in particular so I will only do this for so long.

On top of everything else we have been meeting up with another couple with the view of starting up a new church.  In principle it is a good idea, the snag is the husband.  He is very controlling of his wife who is a lovely lady as he believes husbands are the head of the household and have the control over everything.   This man is probably using a few quotes from the bible to escuse himself to his wife such as the following:

1 Timothy 2:11-15 ESV – 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Ephesians 5:22 ESV – 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:12 ESV – 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

He certainly doesn’t approve of me being an equal partner in our marriage and believes that eventually we will ‘pay’ for our mistakes (sin?).  We don’t agree as our lives have been made better because of our choices.  Whilst the bible is as relevent today as when it was written the world is a different place to what it was 2,000 years ago.  He is definitely taking the bible too literally.

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I feel so tired.  On Saturday we went out just to get a bit of fresh air so had a stroll round town.  In the evening about 17 of us went out for a meal for a friend’s 70th birthday.  It’s actually his birthday today but he and his wife are on a cruise for two weeks.  Anyway the meal was lovely.  I managed to wanted a finger as I had sizzling chicken which was a different plate to the rice ad salad.  The dish was on a board so I intended to move it closer to my plate but touched the dish by mistake.  It was entirely my own fault and didn’t spoil the evening.

On Sunday we were at church twice then went to Costa for the monthly meeting.  Our neighbour met us there which pleased us. The downside was that we had another late night.

On Monday I had to stay in as we were expecting the hole in the bathroom ceiling to be fixed.  It was a long day.  In the evening it was the  first T.O.M. (time out for men) meeting of the new year.  I was on kitchen duty which entailed getting food on plates as the men arrived and we had taken some food with us.  After that I just made pots of tea and hot water for coffee.  I had also put some garlic bread in the oven and when I put it on the  side I managed to burn the same finger as before.

Tuesday was one heck of a day.  I was at the lunch club in the morning which I enjoyed.  After I got home the well-being lady turned up right on time and it was productive.  We had some lunch then I took my Avon round to my friend so she could pass it on to the lady who orders it. I went straight up to the hospital to see one of the ladies who comes to both lunch clubs at my church.  She recently broke her hip and had been in Darlington Hospital then got moved to Bishop Auckland General Hospital.  It was good to see her and she was sitting in a chair.  In the evening we went to our monthly Encounter Group.  It’s been almost a year since we started it so it’s almost scary knowing we only have one more session.  I’ve enjoyed it and it’s made me realize how much I have grown in my faith.

Yesterday it was a relieve to have a quiet day.  I managed to burn my finger a third time though, this time on the iron.  I’m still feeling tired as I had lunch club this morning.  When I got home we put our new mattress on the bed – it’s got springs one half and a memory mattress the other side.  It is much more comfortable than the ‘old’ mattress.  What is so annoying is that the bed is only a year old but the mattress wasn’t good.

My mood has been generally better the last few days and for thatI am thankful.

 

Above all

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god will carry

This week has become a blur.  On Monday morning we down at the Valley M. C. for quiet time and for the men to get on with odd jobs.  Duncan turned up with Molly who was her usual happy self.  She is the kind of dog that makes life worth living.

The Tuesday lunch club was was a good day.  I enjoy serving the food as the people are very appreciative.   Cynthia still wasn’t sure if we were going to have fresh or frozen brussel sprouts so she said she would give me a ring.

Wednesday morning Cynthia rang up to let me know I could go in to do the brussel sprouts.  She had already done half of them so it didn’t take long to do the rest.  Cynthia had also asked me to peel carrots if I didn’t mind but nobody could find them.  It was a good morning though as other people were in the building so I was able to have a chat everytime someone came into the kitchen.

Yesterday was a long day which I was expecting as it was my third year of being in the kitchen.  I got in half an hour early just to get a head start on the potatoes and Catherine got in a bit earlier as well.  Fortunately we had extra help with other volunteers coming into the kitchen when needed.  It was funny when Peter got the volunteers down to the hall so we could receive our presents.  I wore my ‘santa’ hat which has Ho! Ho! Ho! and I turned the button on so the hat had lights flashing.  Peter said “Our Pip has been flashing all morning …” which caused laughter.  It was an innocent comment but it was the way he said it that was so funny.  I stayed for my dinner although I did leave earlier than the others.

The Valley M. C. had it’s annual carol singing rond the streets in Eldon Lane and Close House for Save the Children again.  I made it quite clear that I was willing to walk round but I was taking it easy.  My whole body was aching so I was glad to get home.  When I went to bed I realized I had forgotten to take my tablets but was too tired to get up and take them.  I slept badly which I put down to being in so much pain and being over tired.

I really didn’t feel like going to the Shildon M. C. lunch club but didn’t want to let Joan down.  It was much easier than yesterday as we only had about 30 to cook for including us.  There was much more washing up to do though as there was extra food including sausages wrapped in bacon.

Rick wanted to get out for a little while after I got home so I cooked him a quick meal before going out.  Again I felt too achy to do much but it was worth having a look round a couple of shops.

I am relieved that I have two weeks off now to relax.  It’s been a long year with little rest.  It’s added to my mood being low whereas it used to help because it kept my mind occupied.

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I had every intention of posting but I couldn’t.  Sylvia is on my mind quite a bit so I am thinking of the good times.  Yesterday I was told that the postmortem has been done and she died of a heart attack.  She had died sitting on her armchair and looked contented.  It has been very hard on all of her as Sylvia had a heart of gold but at least she is pain free, can see again (Sylvia was almost blind) and is in heaven.

Rick has realized that he does need to rest as he feels washed out if he is out.  It is hard going for both of us.  For Rick it’s being forced to rest and not to drive for four weeks.  Me …. I’m being tough with Rick over what to eat, making sure he does rest and not lifting.

Part of me is still angry with Rick as I tried to make him eat better but wouldn’t.  Doctors at our surgery were giving him the same advise yet Rick seemed to be in denial.  I don’t if the heart attack shook him up or not as he won’t talk about it.

Being in church this morning felt a bit strange as Sylvia wasn’t there.  When Mary and I were doing the teas Betty asked me if I would do the teas with her when the rota is done.  Sylvia used to do the teas with Betty so I felt quite chuffed that Betty asked asked me.

What’s happened this past week as shaken me up.  My mood was beginning to get better, now I am back to square one.

 

 

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