living with depression


Highlight of my year has been going to Wemyss Bay for a week at the beginning of November for a week. We went two days before my birthday which made it more special. Having Cassie was a good excuse to make sure we walked regularly. On the Saturday we went over to Cumbrae as we had enjoyed the trip over last year. This time we went over by foot having forgotten how far away Millport was from where the ferry docked and we didn’t have enough cash to get on the bus. It took us two hours so we were exhausted but Cassie loved the walk. I went to the post office and got some cash out so that we could get the bus back then had a look round the shops.

This year we also went to Bute but took the car this time. The island is bigger than Cumbrae and Rothesay is also a bigger town than Millport. Cassie enjoyed being there as well although I’m not so sure she liked the ferry. It was lovely to meet up with friends who live in Paisley, we have known them for a few years now and we had a lovely meal in Largs.

Going to Embo (north of Inverness) was beautiful and our caravan was virtually on the beach so we had a lovely view. Unfortunately we were on edge as our now ex tenant brought trouble to the shop which got worse after we got home. I would like to go up that way again though.

My hips are getting worse and I’m having x-rays done tomorrow, I am still severely depressed and we are still waiting to get the insurance through from when various windows were smashed at the year earlier this year. It is horrible trying to be happy on the surface when Rick and I have suffered with some issues for about 18 months for a different reason. I wish we could see a light at the end of the tunnel.


I had convinced myself that we wouldn’t have a holiday until next year. Thankfully we were able to book a week away starting Friday for a week. Already I am feeling much better which is a relieve as I was close to having a breakdown. Stewart being away for two weeks didn’t help although I don’t begrudge him having a holiday.

Yesterday we had the bright idea of going over to Millport which is on Cumbrae as foot passengers. We had a look round Largs first and it is very much the same as last year which was good. Cassie wasn’t too sure about the ferry when we got on it but soon settled. When we got there we were told it was about three miles and as we didn’t have enough money for the bus (can’t use bus passes in Scotland) we had to work. It was a lovely walk as it’s the coastel road but we were exhausted when we got to the town. We think it was more like a four mile walk and took and 1 hour and 45 minutes to walk there. Cassie loved the walk but that slowed us up a bit as she can’t walk in a straight line unless she has her halti on. Having osteoarthritis was a hinderance as well yet we managed to get there so I am proud of that.

We could hardly move this morning yet went out anyway as we like the area. Today we went to Greenoch which is another nice town. As we had Cassie we couldn’t go into the shopping mall but we still did some ‘window shopping’ on the way to what the locals call the splash. It’s a lovely walk for dog owners and dogs plus it is a clear day (sunny) so it was enjoyable even with aches and pains. On the way back we stopped just before Wemyss Bay holiday park to let Cassie have a paddle in the sea which, as always, she enjoyed.

Rick was a bit concerned as it’s my birthday yet I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. I am sitting at the table looking out a on lovely view of the bay. Tigger aka Jacob was an early present so I’m more than happy.


Somehow we managed to enjoy our week away at Embo in Scotland considering what we had been through. It was great being able to look at the sea when we were in the caravan as it was that close. Having a ferry ride on Loch Ness was definitely one of the highlights of the week as the history is interesting, it’s beautiful there and we were able to relax.

Going to the distillery was interesting as well and I did my usual of buying a bottle of whiskey which is now sitting with the others I already have. We got to taste three of the whiskies they produce and all had distinctive flavours. On the same day we looked round Inverness and braved the walk up to the castle. As it was Saturday we weren’t able to walk up the tower.

I am still severely depressed although our holiday relieved it a bit as we were out in the fresh air and walked quite a bit. Walking was at our pace with plenty of rest but it was good feeling better in myself. Now we are back to dealing with the aftermath of the windows being smashed, two doors being forced then one door needing to be repaired again. To cheer us up even more someone had tried to force the basement door while we were away. Fortunately that is easy to repair and it wouldn’t have done the potential burglar as there is a shutter on the inside and stock by it. I’m almost sorry the person couldn’t get in as they would have had a nasty accident. That is a very un-Christian thought and I have forgiven the person who tried to get in.


We went on a last minute break for four nights last week to Ayr in Scotland to cheer ourselves as much as anything else.  It was lovely and the weather was very good for us although that wouldn’t have stopped us going anyway.  Each day was perfect and we want to go back again as there is so much we want to see.  On Thursday we went to Arran and drove round the island although we didn’t stop at all of the villages.  One of our stops was at the distillery so we could go to the gift shop.  The prices went up to about £74 for some of the bottles of whiskey so our fingers ‘got burnt’.  I did buy a bottle of Robert Burns single malt and a Whiskey cream liquer.  Both are for special occasions.  We came home happy and relaxed, ready to get back to our normal routine which it did until yesterday.

Our so called friend’s daughter has been telling lies about both of us although the lies about Rick were far worse.  It has left us both angry, hurt and upset.  I am also devastated that someone that we have been kind to has told such vicious, disgusting lies although we suspect she is just kicking out at us because we wont take her mum to see her.  Our priority was always our friend so getting the daughter to the hospital was for her benefit, not her dsughter.  The problem is that even though the family is ‘known’ for being trouble and we have proved she has lied it still has to be looked into.  I wish I could understand why this is happening to us but we haven’t done anything wrong other than put our lives on hold for eight weeks for the family.

Over the past few years I have become better at trusting people and it is the local Methodist Circuit I thank for that as my confidence has been much better as well as my self esteem.  This woman has completely destroyed all of that due to her lies so I hope she is satisfied with herself for being so cruel.  Just because she has mental health issues doesn’t mean she should be allowed to get away with lying about other people.  Sadly all the family seem to lie even though they have been caught out.

I was doing well at keeping my severe depression under control but she has ruined that.  Now I’m back to square one and fighting suicidal thoughts which isn’t fair.  I am very scared that I won’t be able to cope and do myself some very serious home.